November 24, 2013

Survivor Series Preview

It's the Thanksgiving season. Time to pull out our Gobbledy Gookers and get ready for Survivor Series.

We're just hours away from something amazing. It's this thing the World Wrestling Entertainment company calls the "Survivor Series Pre Show." I'm personally stoked beyond belief to see the incomparable Mike "The Miz" Mizanin face the WWE mainstay Kofi Kingston. This match already has so much personality that you can shake a stick at it. This, my friends could be a show stealer.

Next we have a real barn burner of a bout. Natalya, The Bellas, The Funkadactyls, Eva Marie, and Jojo vs AJ Lee, Tamina Snuka, Kaitlyn, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae, Aksana, and Alicia Fox. I can't wait to really see the psychology of this match. The technical excellence of all of these Divas is so far and above all those clunky ladies of yesteryear. Really, the only thing that could make this masterpiece in waiting any better would be the inclusion of Bertha Faye. Really one of the most under utilized ladies in the history of World Wrestling Entertainment.

Cody Rhodes, Goldust, The Usos, and Rey Mysterio vs The Shield and The Real Americans. Boy, I know a lot of these guys are really trying, but they really need some work down in developmental. Some one like Rey Mysterio really has no business stinking up our televisions every week. I can hardly understand him with that accent of his, and his contacts make me feel like he's looking into my soul when he looks at the camera. It's really quite creepy. I really hate to be negative so my favorite part of this match is how the story line really felt natural to have these teams get together for a traditional Survivor Series Match. The Shield and Real Americans have a very similar message (evil) and I'm sure they hang out backstage all the time. I also love that The Usos are one of the main competitive teams of the Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes and Goldust. This really shows how much solidarity there is between the tag division in WWE and how those Uso boys really appreciate Cody and Goldust representing them.

CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family. Jeez. I really wish they'd get done with this. It's really hard to follow this storyline. I hate it when they draw things out for like over a month. I mean...yeah CM Punk and DBD are crowd favorites, and the Wyatt Family is really taking them to task, but it just feels so forced. Really, like do you really think CM Punk and Daniel Bryan would team up for anything? I think it would make more sense to have gotten Zack Ryder involved in this. He's so cool. You know it.

John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship
Now this is a match I can get behind. I wish they wrestled like all the time. Their feud could really spread out and power all the WWE programming. Don't just stop at arm wrestling contests. Tug Of War Baby! Chinese Checkers!!! Coloring Contest!!! MONSTER TRUCK MATCH!!! When I see these two...I see $$$$$.

 Big E Langston vs Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Championship
Soooo stoked that Curtis Axel isn't with Paul Heyman anymore. That guy sucks even worse than Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.

Randy Orton vs Big Show for the WWE Championship
Oh My Gawd is this going to be a slobberknocker! I have no clue how Randy Orton is going to win this thing. It's so nice they finally got rid of that "Daniel Bryan almost wins" storyline and let a really talented wrestler take on Randy Orton. If that Pre Show match isn't match of the night...I really really feel like this one will be.

 Okay, that's all I really have to say about this one. Sounds like one hell of a show guys. 4:30can't roll around soon enough. Well except for the fact those hacks Mick Foley and Bret Hart will be on the Pre Show Panel. Ug. Gag Me With A Spoon. With that...get your Gobbledy Gookers oiled up and ready as it's time to party.

November 21, 2013

This is What's Going to Happen in 5 Months

What's up dudes,

I've kinda been enjoying the WWE stuff lately, but apparently not enough to do any write-ups or recaps or shows.  That last MMS I did was a stinker too, not my best work.  I figure we're probably all at about the same level of excitement with the product, that there's some cool stuff mixed into a mostly bland Raw.  Enough to merit a monthy post, but nothing to really "mark out" over.

The other day I was spacing out at work, thinking about the alliance between CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.  (Michael Cole called them an "unlikely pairing" or something like that on Raw, which is really fucking dumb because that's the most likely pairing in the roster).  Anyway, the main reason I wanted to make this post today is to make a prediction for Wrestlemania, or rather, for the build-up to Wrestlemania.  I think CM Punk is going to shave off Daniel Bryan's beard.  I think they'll get 20 minutes at 'Mania in a non-title grudge match, and I think Daniel Bryan will win.

I've seen a number of 'Mania predictions creeping into IWC conversations lately, and the speculations will only increase as we get closer to the big one-- it's 30 this year, XXX in roman numerals (too bad it's not the sleaze era of the early aughts, they would have called it 'Wrestlemania Triple X Rated' or some shit).  Hulk Hogan is a name that gets thrown around a lot, and everyone is eager to find out who Undertaker will face.  Some people even think Taker/Hogan could be in the works, but I don't think there's any way that'll happen.  First of all, Hogan can't bump for shit, and he would never go out on his back anyway.  Second of all, Taker's matches of the past five years have all been show-stealers.  There's no way he'd have an old-man-a-thon at such a huge event.  I don't, however, have any real solid guess as to who Taker could face, except maybe Brock Lesnar.  Yeah, actually now that I think about it, that sounds pretty good.  Okey so that's prediction #2: Taker beats Brock in a 35 minute No DQ match.

I can't decide if Hogan will be wrestling, or just a part of the show without wrestling, or not there at all.  His name attached to 'Mania does draw money, but he probably wouldn't come in just to lose a match which begs the question of who would lose to him?  Also, do we get the ketchup & mustard Hogan or do we get a full-on NWO Outsiders reunion?  I personally wouldn't miss him if he's absent, but something tells me he'll be around, at least long enough for a photo opportunity.  I don't have any real prediction for Hogan.

As far as the World titles go, I've got a safe bet and a wild guess.  Orton/Cena for the WWE title.  Del Rio/Barrett/Reigns for the WHWC.

I have a lot of other guesses for what could happen, but they're the kinds of things that could happen at any PPV between now and then.

So now the big question: what do you guys think will happen in 5 months?  Is it even worth your time to think about it?  Any matches you hope for or talents you want to see there?  I want to know your predictions, if you have any, and maybe the one among us who makes the most correct guesses will get a prize.

I guess we can talk more about this  in a few weeks, when our paths cross at the Rose Garden or elsewhere in the city.  I got some decent seats in the 100's diagonal to the ring, far side from the ramp.  I'm going with my pal Brendan, who's not a fan (I bought his ticket) but we'll have fun.  Let's be better organized next time, so that we can all sit together again, I really had a blast last time.

So to recap, here is my list of miracles:
1. Punk shaves off Bryan's beard (before 'Mania)
2. Punk vs. Bryan
3. Taker vs. Lesnar
4. Orton vs. Cena for the WWE title
5. Del Rio vs. Barrett vs. Reigns for the WHWC

Beat that!

Oh and one more thing..... FFFRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!