December 14, 2013

Poncho Man's TLC Preview

Holy crap...we're gonna have two posts in one day. What happened to all those posts Rusty was going to do? Roster Madness!? WCW reviews!?

Okay, so a few house cleaning things before I get to my preview.
A. Still haven't figured out who hijacked my account for the last preview. That shit was weird.
B. Lately my extra curricular has been current ROH and current NJPW. I've also been watching all the Clash Of The Champions in order. It's all slow going. ROH is good, but I'm just missing some white hot heat like SCUM had. The Bullet Club doesn't really do it for me (no good promos).  Oh...and Chris Hero vs Johnny Gargano in Dragon Gate USA was rad. I could write a whole report on Dragon Gate USA and Evolve...and momentum. This is what scares me about Chikara. I digress. I think about wrestling too much.
C. I had a blast at Smackdown. My friend had a great time too. Some of my personal favorite heckles I gave were "Korn sucks almost as much as The Miz", "Cohabitate" (which I got an amazing glare from John Cena for), and "Why the hell would you steal Michael Cole's gimmick?" to Bad News Barrett. I got a nod from JBL for saying "Talk about Stan Hansen" and a physical acknowledgement from Cesaro for yelling "BDK Rules!!" Really I'm just a big jackass and had a lot of the crowd around me entertained.

Dolph Ziggler vs Fandango (Pre-Show match)
Did you see who was on the panel??! THE MIZ! He's back on his show! Anyway....I like Fandango. A lot. Too bad he's now Big Forehead Summer Rae's Heater.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. The Real American for the World Tag Team Championships
Isn't it cool that the Real Americans are over heels and basically became faces. I can't figure out if it's just a mix of smarks loving Cesaro and actual idiot rednecks...or is it just smarks. Rey and Big Show hugging at Smackdown was the only gag worthy moment I saw. Too bad that Curtis Axel is getting luke warm X-Pac heat.  No build for this....nothing to say....

Big E Langston vs. Damien Sandow for the Intercontinental Championship
Holy crap. Big E might be the #1 non-main eventer by nights end. I just hope this isn't a squash. Sandow's stand out performance was stunted by working with Ziggler. I just remember back in the day it seemed like Vince would push everything, and I'd get annoyed because Atom Bomb was beating Flash Funk. Now he pushes nothing. Everybody just jobs for everyone else. The mid card is sad.

AJ Lee vs Natalya for the Divas Championship
Big Momma Cool and The Crazy Kid vs. a smiley girly version of Bret Hart. I liked it better when she was more of Neidhart rather than a Hart. As I say almost every month....bring back Mickie James!

CM Punk vs. The Shield
I don't think we're gonna end up seeing DBD vs Punk at Mania. That is just too smarky for Vince. Punk vs HHH makes a little more sense. Whatever...I can't predict anything lately. Which is good. This will tell a story.

DBD vs The Wyatt Family
Dude....the Devil Made Him Do It. I don't know if anyone else will agree with me...but I have a feeling that this match is more important to what headlines Wrestlemania than anything else on the card. I just have a feeling....

John Cena vs Randy Orton for the Big Deal Thing
All my favorite wrestlers are the guys that chase the championship for a long time, and finally win against all odds. Maybe it's because I'm a 150 pound (thanks DDP Yoga) non-athelete, but Shawn Michaels, Austin, Punk, DBD, Taker to an extent (there was a long time he main evented and never won). Musclebound guys that look the part are heels to me no matter what. They're the douche bags that picked on me in elementary school (Hogan and Warrior were comic book characters....not realistic douches like Cena and Orton). I didn't like Brock Lesnar until he came back because he became "real" in UFC. The "push" doesn't get me excited unless there is something holding them back. It could be size, body shape, race, the character, the fact you look like a neanderthal, the fact you are perfect, etc. I understand this match. It makes sense from a business stand point. It just doesn't really interest me. It doesn't matter who wins. They're both douches. Bill Goldberg didn't get my juices flowing. Batista didn't get my juices flowing. I have no real coherent thought here and I feel like I'm contradicting myself, but I'll get excited when both of these guys lose.

 I don't know why I got so negative here....I'm having a weird week. Lance Storm is interesting. Steen is amazing on Austin's podcast. I'm really missing Chikara. And I'm done for today

1 comment:

  1. Very good point about the mid-card, and everyone jobbing to each other. I was thinking about this when Big E won so quickly. I thought Sandow actually had a shot this time. I don't understand the importance of long title reigns sometimes. When was the last time two guys traded a title back and forth during a rivalry? That used to be semi-normal, and it made the belts seem more valuable.