May 24, 2014

You Only Live Twice: The Chikara Preview

All is right in the world....Chikara returns tomorrow! It's been a long journey and really it just created more questions about the future of Chikara. After only following it for the last 2 years...I have no idea who some of these villians are, but I guess we'll find out. So in the tradition of Poncho Man's WWE PPV's my You Only Live Twice Preview...

Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Juan Francisco De Coronado
The Sweetest Man vs. The Aristocrat.
Pretty self explanatory huh? Jervis is a ridiculously nice man, but not if he's tested too much! Especially if he's being tested by a man who continuously humiliates his man servant Herbert (I hope Herbert is still around). This will also be Mr. De Coronado's Chikara debut as he's been a regular on the Wrestling Is... shows for the last year.

The Spectral Envoy vs. Bruderschaft Des Kreuzes
Okay, so I know that Claudio Castignoli (Cesaro) was part of the BDK....and I've read a little about it on Wikipedia...but I guess I mostly just want to be surprised. I would think that Ultramantis Black would have more of a bone to pick with Delirious, but he's probably too busy booking ROH. Anyway....Ultramantis Black, Frightmare, and Hallowicked are the defending King Of Trios. Ultramantis is Super Devious. I also have no idea who is in the BDK now. So I guess we'll find out tomorrow. BTW...Ultramantis Black's record is up for pre-order on Relapse Records site. It sounds like descent hardcore music...and I'll probably buy it because I'm a nerd.

The Batiri vs. SinnBodhi & The Odditorium
Kizarny. Talk about not even wanting a guy to get over. And does this mean he'll be coming out with The Head and The Maxx? Wasn't that the name of the cartoon block on MTV "Odditorium." Or was it the variety show? Hmmm. Well...The Batiri are evil Chikara favorites who happily fought with the tecnicos to save Chikara. Kobald had to come out of the sewer to do this. I'm happy I'm writing all of this.

 Archibald Peck vs. Jimmy Jacobs
Probably the match I'm most excited for. I've been wondering if this will count toward #The New Streak. Rusty: There is this guy in ROH named R.D. Evans that looks remarkably like Archibald Peck. R.D. Evans is on a ridiculous streak of not losing. He's 218.1-O (metric conversion for Canada) or something.  Anyway...we don't quite know Jimmy Jacobs evil agenda in Chikara, but we know for sure that a time-traveling marching band leader is here to protect us.

4 Corner Tag Team Elimination Match
So I think this is 3.0 against a bunch of baddies like The Pieces Of Hate (Jigsaw and The Shard) and two other teams. Now are the Campeones De Parajas (tag titles) on the line or what? Will 3.0 get 3 points in order to challenge the champs? I'm a little confused by this one. I guess we'll find out. Pull out the pepperoni sticks for this one folks.

The Colony vs. The Colony: Xtreme Force
For the laymen this match is like pitting a normal Batman action figure against a Scuba Diving Batman with a neon yellow suit. Or He-Man vs. Snake Hunter He-Man. You know...the awesome version you actually want vs. the lame repaint the toy company made thinking kids will be excited. This whole idea killed the Masters Of The Universe toy line in the 2000s. Mattel didn't realize that most of the people buying the toys were adults and were not so easily tricked. This will also be the premier of the new Worker Assailant has changed his name. By the way....Soldier Ant has been MIA for quite awhile now!!!!!

 Icarus vs. Eddie Kingston
This one is super interesting.  Is Icarus sincerely a tecnico now? Is Kingston really a rudo? Would Chikara really have a happy ending at the beginning of it's rebirth? Or would we really be happy with a guy with the worst tattoo in the world being the Grand Champion and having "her." I really have no idea what will happen in this. Talk about great booking. It would be really nice if Icarus won giving us a feel good moment....only to have him immediately turn. By the way....Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano are no where to be found in promotional items....where is F.I.S.T.? Jeez this match is exciting.

House cleaning...
I watched all, but the last match of WOTW. It was okay. I can't decide if I built it up in my head too much or if it was slightly underwhelming. reDRagon vs. The Young Bucks was incredible though.

Four weeks ago, The Poncho Man quit smoking and caffiene on the same day. The Poncho Man often can't stop eating now. He also has been drinking about once a week (rather than 3-4 times). The Poncho Man feels weird.

The Poncho Man is gonna go watch X-Men now. Sorry this was a day late...but at least I got it up before the show. Later guys.

May 09, 2014

Marshall's Global Wars of the Worlds Preview

Last month, when I saw on ROH tv that NJPW were coming over to do a couple shows with them, I marked out.  I marked out like crazy.  New Japan is one of my favorite promotions going, and they have unmatched star power with the trifecta of Okada, Tanahashi and Nakamura.  Let's take a look at the cards for Global Wars (Toronto 5/10) and War of the Worlds (NYC 5/17).

Shinsuke Nakamura

Global Wars

In this one, the ROH guys and the NJPW guys are mostly kept separate.  It's a split-promotion card, as opposed to the second event, which will be more integrated.  Not as exciting, but still a lot to look forward to.

ROH TV Championship 4way: Heel Lethal v. Ciampa v. Taven v. Young
I never wanted to see Lethal turn heel.  He's such a natural babyface, I don't think he's very believable as a bad guy.  This match might give him the chance to prove me wrong.  Silas Young on the other hand, is a fantastic bad guy wrestler with an awesome bad guy gimmick. (for Rusty- he calls himself "the Last Real Man in professional wrestling" and he carries himself like an old-school badass.)  Taven had a really great run with the TV title last year, and Ciampa's great, but his run with the title was less memorable.  Ultimately, I'd have to pick Lethal to retain so that he can hopefully get over as a heel, but I'll look forward to this match most not for the finish, but for the story that each of these guys can tell in the ring.

Silas Young

ROH World Championship: Cole v. Steen
We've seen it before, we'll see it again.  And we'll probably love it, because booing Matt Hardy for interfering is just that fun.  The winner is spoiled by the second event's card.

IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championships 3-way: Hooligans v. Splitters v. Bucks
 ROH audiences are no strangers to the Forever Hooligans or the Young Bucks, and both are popular, but I'm guessing that the Time Splitters will get over with the North American crowd instantly.  Partly because Alex Shelley, and partly because Back to the Future gimmick.  Three over tag teams will make for a hell of a show.

Watanabi v. Elgin
The only inter-promotional match on the card.  I'm actually not that big on Elgin.  Well, to clarify, I think he's an awesome wrestler but I hate the "Unbreakable" gimmick.  There are just too many false finishes on ROH shows, and with Elgin's matches there are always three or four.  It's just too much, I like it when finishers mean more.  I'm glad Elgin isn't wrestling Okada, because if he kicked out of a Rainmaker I'd throw a beer bottle at my computer.  Still looking forward to this match.  Elgin loves Japanese wrestling, so he'll be at the top of his game.

Hiroshi Tanahashi

Bullet Club (Styles & Anderson) v. Okada & Gedo
To say that I'm a mark for Kazuchika Okada would be putting it lightly.  This will be an incredibly cool match, with long term ramifications in the NJPW universe.  While I'm missing Devitt in NJPW right now, Styles v. Okada makes a hell of a main event (but I haven't seen Donkatu yet).

Tanahashi & Liger v. Nakamura & Jado
This will be just plain awesome.  Tanahashi is a stud, and Nakamura is coolness personified.  These guys can rip it up and make it look like it's the coolest thing in the world.  The word "cool" is coming to mind a lot as I write this post.

War of the Worlds

Gedo & Jado v. Decade (Strong & Whitmer, w Jacobs)
I like the Decade angle, it makes sense.  This could be a good match for them to get some extra heat.

Okada v. Alexander
How lucky is Cedric Alexander to be in this spot?  An upcoming mid-carder who can get his ass kicked by Okada and look great for just being in there with him.  Totally looking forward to this, it's a hell of an opportunity for Alexander, and Okada's singles matches are always great.

Kazuchika Okada

Tanahashi v. Bennett
Not looking forward to this as much, but only because I'm not as high on Bennett.  I don't get his appeal.  I guess he must be a "good hand" for Lance Storm to want to come in and give him a few rounds, but he never had any real heat until he teamed up with Cole and Hardy.  Anyway, Tanahashi rules and this match could be a sleeper hit.

Nakamura v. Steen
Wow.  This reminds me of one of those EVOLVE "Style Battle" matches.  Poncho- you must be dying to see this one.  So am I.  The hippest in the East meets the hippest in the West.  Lots of hip tosses, maybe?  That's not funny.  Anyway, I don't even really know what to say about this one because it's boggling my mind with awesomeness.


ROH Tag Team Championship: reDRagon v. Young Bucks
IWGP World Tag Team Chapmionship: Briscoes v. Bullet Club (Anderson & Gallows)
These matches don't have as much of a New Japan feel, but at least Bad Luck Fale the Underboss and Tama Tonga aren't wrestling.  I'm hoping for at least one of these titles to change hands.  Just because it's fun when that happens.

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Elgin v. Styles
Who'd have thunk it?  Well, get ready for false finishes galore!

ROH World Championship: Cole v. Liger
How cool would it be if the Legend won it?  Seems unlikely, but it would be radical.

Next ROH World Champion?

May 03, 2014

Poncho Man's Extreme Rules Preview....

Hey guys,
Thanks for all the content! I enjoy content! Yay!

El Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a WeeLC Match
So...I can't bitch about this at all. There is a storyline to this. It started the week after just happened on Superstars or Main Event or something. This will be cute I'm guessing.

Rob Van Dam Vs Jack Swagger Vs Cesaro
Is this the WWE admitting that they know that no one cares about Jack Swagger? I guess it does have the Heyman/Uncle Zeb thing....even though Van Dam has nothing to do with Zeb. I don't has a story...but it's kind of a stretch.

R-Truth and Xavier Woods Vs. Alexander Rusev
A good ole fashioned squash, AND it has a story. In the end, the good guys will lose.

Paige vs Tamina Snuka for the Divas Championship
Too bad AJ also took her ball and went home because now we don't get the Big Momma Cool/Heartbreak Gal breakup. At least Paige is awesome (even though they seem to have killed the screaming thing/Anti-Diva gimmick that would have gotten her way over immediately).

Big E vs Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship're wrong. This is the first time Barrett has looked comfortable. He's smarmy, evil, and cutting great promos. I always thought that he seemed boring and inconsequential in Nexus (remember...they lost their first big match...because of Super they never really mattered after that first appearance on RAW). No real story here....BUT it was a tournament to decide it's good.

John Cena Vs. Bray Wyatt IN A STEEL CAGE
If only Cena wasn't so cheesy....
Those annoying response promos about how he aint scared are dumb.
Bray Wyatt is neat.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
I like how the storyline pre-Mania really works to set the deck for DBD for awhile. Maybe next month we can get DBD Vs. Billy Gunn. Nervous already that this run is going to end up being like Punk's Championship run...second fiddle to something all the time. Maybe at the end of this match they'll hug it out?

The Shield vs. Evolution
Well....let us hope that this is as good as the Wyatt matches. Batista still sucks. I just wished upon a star that this was a WarGames match. They should have Dusty's random bleeding arm join The Shield and I guess Flair's forehead and we got a four on four spectacular.

So, The whole point of this Preview was just to point out that we've actually been getting storylines. Almost every thing on this card has a storyline, and nothing on here is a repeat of Mania. Wrestling is good.....

Marshall: I am so mad at the internet for randomly ruining Dontaku.
Rusty: I wish you knew what we were talking about.