September 11, 2016

Lash of Back Preview

Dear Brother Quarter and Brother Nickles,
Thought I'd do a quick pareeview. If I could I'd type this all out Mark Twain style in "Broken" speak, but I think I'm a little too lazy for such an intensive undertaking.
      Just to set the seen, I'm currently in the middle of 1997 WCW and deep in the Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit feud. I can tell you this, the feud is so much better when you see the PPV matches and the viciousness they pulled out of each other. I could have seen myself being more of a Benoit fan back in the day if I'd seen these. Alas, It's really creepy to watch somebody be lovey dovey, cut intense promos where you talk about souls, and then repeat the word soul in nonsensical ways and know what happens 10 years later. Sorry for the bummer. This has been the first time re-watching WCW that it's really been prevalent, probably due to the reality based storyline and what not. Ick

The Usos vs The Hype Bros
Oh goody. Heel Usos against a perennial underdog who has been made completely unlikable by his completely unlikable partner. Sounds exactly like what I want to watch. The winner will go on to face....

Heath Slater and Rhyno vs Dog Shit For Kids
Way to go Smackdown. Your inaugural WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions are going to be Dog Shit or an ad hoc team whose goal is to save their above ground pool for their six (seventeen?) children. I'm not saying I don't enjoy Slater and Rhyno, but unless they have a really long run with these belts they aren't being legitimized by this. I'm probably just pointing out the obvious.

The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler
The Miz cuts a great promo on DBD, only to be challenged by Dolph Ziggler? Who lost his WWE Real Championship title shot at the last PPV? When did he last win a match (other than randomly pinning AJ Styles to earn the title shot)? Huh. Yeah.

Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt
Prediction: After getting destroyed last month by a Filth Blood, our "hero" must get his fire back by beating the "villian" who everyone cheers for and is generally behind. Our "villian" never wins matches because he's believed to be so over that nothing harms him. Except logically when story is repeated, and repeated (see above match competitor 2), and it becomes obvious that "villian" doesn't win matches, he just makes his opponents questions their beliefs for a few weeks by cutting intriguing promos (that also don't go anywhere). Huh....apparently today I'm down on the product. Actually, Smackdown is fairly entertaining....I'm just confused by the booking, so I need to  just be less of a mark and just watch.

I just watched Randy Savage join the NWO. He had been hanging out with Sting for a few months, but he randomly gave Hogan some brass knuckles to pop Roddy Piper in the head. This is almost as logical as Smackdown.

 Alexa Bliss vs Becky Lynch vs Carmella vs Naomi vs Natalya vs Nikki Bella for the WWE Smackdown Women's Title
Oh man. Does just reading those names bring great confidence to your head? 5 Star Classic? 6 matches announced. Is it a 3 hour show? Maybe everything will get lots of time. Or maybe we'll get a random Baron Corbin vs Apollo Crews match thrown in? Anyways, I'll be over here cheering for Alexa.

Dean Ambrose vs AJ Styles for the WWE Real Championship
Anybody watch the Austin interview with Ambrose? Austin challenging Ambrose to turn it up. Ambrose responding with feigning indignation. I think Alvarez said something on the Observer podcast about how WWE is a very different place from when Austin got there. I think Austin just wants the character to always work. Half the time it does, and half the time it comes across as Norm Macdonald's Burt Reynolds. Know something that does work? The new Face That Runs The Place. Corny AJ seems to have channeled his inner Chris Jericho and is both the most badass wrestler in WWE and the silliest. He seems to be on a roll. It's his time. Which is why they probably won't do it.

I think Broken Matt was even better on the Sam Roberts Podcast a few weeks (months?) back. Roberts played along a little better than Jericho did. The animals made me the happiest.

I watched all of "The Evolution Of Punk." I watched Press conferences before and after. I watched the fight. I payed nothing. Good for Punk. Got some cauliflower ear in the process. The narrative is weird. I'm shocked Joe Rogan didn't just say something like "well...this proves wrestlers aren't tough." The narrative turned into "everyone is impressed you actually got in there." Too bad Bobby Lashley is a heavyweight...because otherwise that would be Punk's next fight in Bellator. MMA is weird.

Haven't seen any Chikara all year and would feel horrible starting at KOT because most of the fun is the story. It's just too bad the story wasn't anywhere near as compelling last year and it ended up making me lose interest this year. Maybe, one of these days, I'll make a blanket fort and not come out until I'm caught up with Chikara.

I rambled enough. My final hope. All matches get time and it doesn't just turn into a bunch of network commercials with 10 minute matches. Maybe I'm crazy. Woo.

September 10, 2016

SCN: We Fake Fight on Friday Night


Greetings all Aztecs and Neros,

My lovely spouse is away, and this mouse is going to watch some wrestling.  I've been keeping up with things pretty well in general (except WWE tv shows, I'm still on temporary strike), but this week we got the season opener for Lucha Underground, an episode of Impact that everyone is talking about, the King of Trios shows came out, and... am I missing anything?  I dunno.  Anyway, my plan this evening is to eat some vegetables, drink some vegetables, watch wrestling, write about wrestling.  A plate of asparagus and a bloody mary are on the table, so the only question is What to watch first?

Chikara King of Trios 2016 Night One
I had the winners of this 3-day-long tournament spoiled on Facebook, but I wanted to watch it anyway.  Having not watched any Chikara yet this year, the KoT offers a "casual" fan like me a chance to catch up on the storylines, while appreciating all the great talent they bring in to mingle with their already strong roster.

It was fun to come back to Chikara.  Some things are different, and some things never change.  The Batiri are red now, but Juan Francisco De Coronado still takes forever to get to the ring.  It felt great to see the Colony again, I'd been very curious to see what incarnation they'd be in.  Same goes with the disciples of Nasmal Dun (sp?), the Throwbacks, the Osirian Portal, etc.  I was not disappointed with the current state of the promotion, and will look forward to checking back in with the characters at the season finale, if not before.

The fourth match was a highlight, especially the interchange between C.L. and M.J.  The main event was another highlight, especially the interchange between D.G. and P.K.

Supercop Dick Justice is one of my favorite new gimmicks.  The name, at least.

 I don't remember if it was there before, but Oleg the Usurper's one-slinged singlet offered a showcase of a butterfat tit that almost reminded me of my highschool girlfriend, minus about 85% of the perk.

One of the best long-running features of Chikara was on display in awesome form, as Joey Styles kept things rocking and rolling at the Commentation Station with tremendous alternating co-broadcasters Bryce and Quack.  There has been some great commentary in wrestling lately, and these teams hold up against just about anybody.

I ate most of my asparagus before the first match even started!  Hungry for more vegetable, I made  popcorn, and washed it down with a second bloody mary.  I know what I've gotta watch next, but now the question is What will I eat and drink?

TNA Impact Sept. 8, 2016  Final Deletion 2: Delete or Decay (Director's Cut)
Seared brussel sprouts.  Another bloody mary.  Feelin like the buttery goober cousin of The Big "Feed Me More" Guy nee Ryback nee Skip Sheffield nee The Silverback Gorilla nee I-Don't-Know-I-Haven't-Listened-To-His-Latest-Podcast-Which-Details-His-Origin-Story-I-Only-Listened-To-The-First-One-But-I-Didn't-Really-Like-It nee Ryan Reeves.

Speaking of podcasts, I was talked into watching this by Marty and Sarah.  I wasn't into The Final Deletion 1, but I didn't hate it either.  I think I might have covered that in the most recent MMS, but that episode sucked and I wish I'd prepared for it better so that my thoughts would have been more concise and well-presented.  As are the benefits of writing, even if I am getting steadily drunker.
So, I watched this thinking I would get another hour-plus of Hardy drama, but lo and behold it was indeed Impact.  There were some Hardy segments spread throughout the show, and they had the entire last half-hour, which I watched in its "Director's Cut" form instead of the TV version.  However, since I did watch the bulk of Impact, I will share my thoughts on that first.

Moose is, and has been in the Impact Zone, which is news to me.  He has the same ROH theme music, and I'm wondering how that's possible, unless both shows are still on Destination America, which I'd thought was not the case anymore.  Dixie Carter as the GM figure reminded me how bad TNA could be.  And sometimes is.  Jeremy Borash's face has inflated like he's allergic to pessimistic speculation.  I wish he'd grow a beard.  Billy Corgan's visage begs for a metaphor more trenchant than I can presently muster.  I wish he'd grow a handlebar eyebrow.  But I'm not here to cast aspersions on the way people look, how shallow would that be?  No, I'm here to verbally gunstun the creative decision-making aspects of pro wrestling shows.  So let me get back on track.

I was excited to see Sandow, then disappointed to see his name was Aron Rex.  I can dig the spelling of Aron, that was Elvis' middle name (common crossword clue), but nobody's last name is Rex.  Except Oedipus.  Classical archetype though he may be, not the rolest of models.

True to form, TNA had some really dumb stuff.  Taking the cake were a couple of point-driven multi-round matches, like boxing, which didn't work for me at all.  At least the gimmick should be short-lived, as it seems to be a kind of experiment as they build contenders for their new Grand Championship, which to me presents issues of its own.  I absolutely hate the Universal Championship, I feel like it dilutes every other title in the WWE, and strips the facade of kayfabe competition from the entire promotion.  So for TNA, a much smaller company, to come out with a similarly generic "top" singles title to sit next to their World Championship, seems even more painfully dumb.

On the plus side, a long press conference segment between EC3 and Lashley was pretty fun to listen to while I was on my phone.

As I said, Marty and Sarah talked me into revisiting TNA, but listening to Broken Matt on Talk is Jericho didn't hurt.  The Hardy stuff is super-interesting as a separate entity from TNA, it has it's own feel and-- no hyperbole-- its own mythology.  In the Final Deletion 2, unlike part 1, there isn't even the pretext of having a wrestling match, though it is still somehow very very very wrestling.  Also superior to F.D. part 1 are the video and audio editing, which in this latest installation really flesh out the uncommon vision, and set an engrossingly unique tone.  I went into this surprised that everyone seemed to be talking about it, but afterward I'm surprised that it isn't being talked about more.  Without getting into the plot and character specifics, or the individual moments, I loved Final Deletion 2.

Now it's much later than I''d thought it would be after watching just 2 wrestling shows.  I thought I'd have time for more than 3, but I think this next one will have to be the last, as it's already 1 am.  I started at 6:30, how did this take me 5.5 hours?  Maybe too much cooking.  For this last leg, I'll finish my veggie journey with the dregs of my bloody mary mix and some corn chips.  Hey they're organic, alright?

Lucha Underground Season 3 Opener
The main event of this show would look great on paper, but without any built, it fell to the same weakness as the rest of the program.  I just didn't care that much about the dramatic elements.  Maybe that's an effect of not following Season 2 closely, maybe it's a product of most of the heels and faces working to pop the crowd instead of working for heat and comebacks, though I know LU has done that really well at some points in the past.  I think Season 3 will have some great highlights, and some cool story arcs, but there was a lot packed into this first hour, and not enough of it had the substance to draw me in yet.


That's it from QMarshy tonight.  My promise of vegetables has officially gone off the rails, as I'm now depending on the pimentos in the olives in the watered-down vodka of my martini facsimile to carry the weight of my dietary code this evening.

Too bad I watched the Cruiserweight Classic show on Wednesday, that would have rounded this post out nicely.  Suffice to say, I think it's great, and at the end of the year will make for an interesting comparison to G1, which is saying a lot.

Will AJ be Realchamp when WWEsmackdownLIVEevent comes to the Moda Center?? I listened to a comp of his theme songs while I finished writing this up.  Too bad Talking Smack isn't a touring program, I'd pay buku bucks to sit in on that good party!

Of course g'night, fellas.