November 20, 2016

Survive this Survivor Series Preview

Well shit....I ran a half marathon earlier this week (I was supposed to run it today) so I'd have all the time in the world to have an early morning band practice and then just sit and watch 6 hours of wrastling. Then I had to go help vacuum a basement and some minor plumbing. Luckily, it got done and I've got a half hour before the main show starts.

Noam Dar, Rich Swann, and T.J. Perkins vs Ariya Daivari, Drew Gulak, and Tony Nese
So I just turned on the show and this was ending. I won't tell you who won, but Rich Swann is charming, and Gulak in WWE seems more like a certain Ant that works in the military than it does the Legal Eagle, Regal Beagle. It's kinda weird. This match is totally inconsequential.

Kane vs Luke Harper
Well, this wasn't announced before hand. I turned it on and they told me that this was next. I'm writing this as it happens. I don't really have any feelings about it. Harper has Kane in a sweet headlock.

 Team Raw (The New Day (Big E and/or Kofi Kingston and/or Xavier Woods), Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson, Sheamus and Cesaro, Enzo Amore and Big Cass, and The Shining Stars (Primo and Epico)) vs. Team SmackDown LIVE (Heath Slater and Rhyno, The Hype Bros (Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley), American Alpha (Jason Jordan and Chad Gable), The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso), and Breezango (Tyler Breeze and Fandango))

I totally just stole all that from Wikipedia. So as with all the Survivor Series matches on this show the narrative is Raw vs Smackdown...and everyone seems super passionate about it, but they all don't like each other anyways. We're apparently really meant to believe that brand dominance is just as important to these people as championships and feuds. The only thing that kinda makes sense is that The Undertaker threatened Team Smackdown (the main 5 on 5 match) that if they lost, they'd have "hell to pay." I don't think he said that specifically...but I'm paraphrasing. Anyways, this match is gonna be a huge cluster. 20 man elimination tag. Do teams get eliminated when their partner gets eliminated? Hopefully they let us know.

I really like Breezango right now. They are hardly on tv, but their weird stuff online has been hilarious. They just hand out tickets for bad fashion. Too bad Fandango has been cast in the spot he's in forever.

Team Raw (Charlotte Flair, Bayley, Nia Jax, Alicia Fox, and Sasha Banks) (with Dana Brooke) vs. Team SmackDown LIVE (Nikki Bella, Becky Lynch, Alexa Bliss, Carmella, and Naomi) (with Natalya)
I said this in a text, but it really made me feel weird to see Bayley stomp on Nikki purely based on the fact they are on different shows. It goes back to our feelings about how her matches give us all the feelings. When (if) she ever turns will be heartbreaking.

 Team Raw (Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, Roman Reigns, Braun Strowman, and Seth Rollins) vs. Team SmackDown LIVE (AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, and Shane McMahon) (with James Ellsworth)
 I already said The Undertaker thing. Ummm....Ellsworth and Braun reuniting will probably be super entertaining. Oh, and Jericho tried to get everyone scarves, but they didn't like them. It was adorable.

The Brian Kendrick vs Kalisto for the Cruiserweight Championship(If Kalisto wins, the entire Cruiserweight division moves to Smackdown)
I'm just happy to have Kalisto back. He just cut a weird awkward promo on the preshow that was interrupted by Kendrick who made fun of him for not being as good as Sin Cara. Kalisto really needed more time in NXT to learn how to speak, but I guess his awkward excited promos are charming for a babyface.

The Miz vs Sami Zayn for the Intercontinental Championship
I was hoping for Ziggler vs Zayn. I wanted the battle of the Z's, but Ziggler had to go and lose the belt on Tuesday. So yeah, this is happening.

Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg
So yeah, The crowd is already chanting Goldberg. This build has been really good. Goldberg somehow became more charismatic and a lot better on the mic in the last 12 years. He may be 49, but he's still jacked (he's part time, no drug tests?). He's also made it clear in interviews that he knows he hasn't wrestled in 12 years, and he's accepting that he's probably going to get hurt...and it seems like a shoot. So maybe he's just better at making me believe in his old age. Oh...and Lesnar says that he doesn't car about Goldberg's children, he will eat them, and warns his family not to watch. So yeah, he "doesn't give a fuck about Goldberg." Something about it hooked me. Hopefully it doesn't completely suck. Maybe it will be a beautiful trainwreck.

Well, the show just started. Bayley makes me feel fuzzy. Everybody is wearing t-shirts of their brand. This is gonna be silly. Okay....enjoy?